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Stitch Your Feelings: A Cross-Stitch Pattern for the Disenchanted
Ah, the holidays. A time for family, friends, and… politics. Because nothing says “festive cheer” like Uncle Larry drunkenly ranting about the 2020 election at the dinner table. But fear not, my fellow crafters! I’ve got the perfect way to channel your post-turkey rage into something creative, cathartic, and slightly passive-aggressive. Introducing: the “I F*cking Hate Trump” Cross-Stitch Pattern—complete with crackers, because, well, you know.
Why Crackers, You Ask?
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because nothing screams “Trump’s America” like a bland, beige snack that only white people seem to enjoy. (Seriously, have you ever met a person of color who was like, “You know what this charcuterie board needs? More Saltines.”) It’s the perfect metaphor for a man who loves his base—white, stale, and utterly flavorless.
And let’s be real, if Trump were a cracker, he’d be the kind that crumbles the second you try to spread cheese on it. You know, all talk, no substance. Just like his presidency.
The Pattern: A Labor of Love (and Loathing)
This cross-stitch pattern is designed for those of us who’ve had enough of the orange man’s shenanigans. It features a charming arrangement of crackers (because subtlety is overrated) and the bold, unapologetic statement: “I F*cking Hate Trump.” It’s the perfect way to decorate your home, office, or that one relative’s Christmas gift who just won’t stop talking about how “he’s not that bad.”
Why This Pattern Speaks to Me
Look, I get it. Some people might say, “Isn’t this a little harsh?” To which I respond: Have you seen his Twitter feed? Or his policies? Or his face? The man’s entire brand is built on being harsh, so consider this my contribution to the art of petty revenge. Plus, cross-stitching is therapeutic, and if I have to listen to one more person say, “But the economy was great under Trump,” I might actually lose my mind.
How to Use This Pattern
- Stitch It: Grab your favorite floss colors (may I suggest orange for the crackers, just for fun?) and get to work. Each stitch is a tiny act of defiance against the man who somehow convinced millions of people that he “cared about the working class” while golfing at Mar-a-Lago.
- Display It: Hang it proudly in your living room, above your desk, or in your bathroom—because nothing says “I’m over it” like a cross-stitched manifesto next to your toilet.
- Gift It: Know someone who shares your disdain? This makes a great stocking stuffer! Pair it with a bottle of wine for maximum effect.
A Final Thought
Let’s be honest: Trump’s legacy is about as enduring as a cracker in a rainstorm. But this cross-stitch pattern? This is forever. So grab your needle, pour yourself a glass of something strong, and let’s stitch our way to a brighter, Trump-free future.
Download the Pattern Here:
(Disclaimer: This pattern is not endorsed by Trump, his supporters, or anyone with a functioning moral compass. Stitch at your own risk.)
Happy stitching, and remember: the best way to deal with a cracker is to crumble it under pressure. 🧵✨