Orange is the New Lack of Integrity: A Free Cross-Stitch Pattern for the Discerning Satirist

Ah, the humble orange. A fruit so vibrant, so tangy, so… presidential. Yes, dear readers, today we’re diving into the citrusy depths of political satire with a free cross-stitch pattern that’s as bold as it is biting. Behold: “Orange is the New Lack of Integrity.” Because nothing says “I’m a patriot with a sense of humor” like stitching a passive-aggressive jab at the man who made spray tans great again.

The Inspiration Behind the Pattern

Let’s face it: Donald Trump’s complexion has been the subject of more speculation than his tax returns. Is it a tanning bed addiction? A misguided love affair with Cheeto dust? Or perhaps just a desperate attempt to distract us from his lack of integrity? Whatever the reason, his orange hue has become a symbol of his… shall we say, unique approach to truth, ethics, and basic human decency.

So, in honor of this iconic shade, I’ve created a cross-stitch pattern that’s equal parts art and activism. It’s for those of us who believe that needlework should be as sharp as our wit. And let’s be real—what better way to process the last few years of political absurdity than by pricking fabric with a needle over and over again? It’s therapeutic, really.

The Pattern: A Citrusy Middle Finger to Hypocrisy

This pattern features a perfectly round, juicy orange (because symbolism is fun) with the words “Orange is the New Lack of Integrity” elegantly stitched across it. It’s subtle enough to hang in your kitchen, but snarky enough to make your MAGA-loving uncle choke on his Thanksgiving turkey.

The design is simple yet striking, making it perfect for cross-stitchers of all skill levels. Whether you’re a seasoned pro or a beginner looking to vent your frustrations through thread, this pattern is for you. And the best part? It’s absolutely free. Because unlike certain politicians, I believe in giving back to the community.

How to Use Your Finished Masterpiece

Once you’ve completed your cross-stitch, the possibilities are endless! Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Frame it and hang it in your living room. Nothing says “I’m a cultured intellectual” like a piece of art that doubles as a political statement.
2. Gift it to a friend who shares your disdain for authoritarianism. It’s the perfect housewarming present for anyone who’s ever muttered, “This can’t be real life.”
3. Use it as a conversation starter at family gatherings. Sure, it might cause a few arguments, but isn’t that what the holidays are for?
4. Turn it into a pillow. Because nothing says “I’m comfortable in my beliefs” like resting your head on a giant orange.

A Final Word (or Stitch)

In a world where truth is often stranger than fiction, sometimes the best way to cope is to laugh—or stab something repeatedly with a needle. This cross-stitch pattern is my small contribution to the resistance. It’s a reminder that even in the darkest of times, we can find humor, creativity, and a way to say, “Hey, maybe don’t be a terrible person.”

So grab your floss, fire up your sarcasm, and let’s get stitching. Because orange isn’t just a color—it’s a lifestyle. And by lifestyle, I mean a cautionary tale about what happens when you prioritize ego over ethics.

Download the free pattern and start your journey toward citrus-fueled catharsis today. And remember: when life gives you lemons, make a cross-stitch about how much worse it could be if those lemons were, say, a certain former president.

Happy stitching, you glorious satirists. The revolution will be embroidered.