Your cart is currently empty!
Free Printable Cross Stitch Pattern: “Velveeta Voldemort” – A Tribute to the Cheeto-Faced Grifter
Are you tired of looking at normal cross stitch patterns? Bored of quaint little flowers and wholesome sayings? Well, do I have the perfect project for you—a free printable pattern featuring everyone’s favorite oompa-loompa-hued wannabe dictator: Donald “Velveeta Voldemort” Trump!
Why Stitch This Abomination?
Because nothing says “I have a dark sense of humor” like immortalizing this spray-tanned goblin in thread. Who even is applying that tangerine nightmare to his bloated, sagging body? Do they use a mop? A paint roller? A fire hose full of melted circus peanuts? The world may never know.
This pattern captures his signature look: a face like a half-melted candle, tiny spiteful eyes, and that permanent sneer of a man who’s never once experienced genuine human emotion. Plus, the text “Velveeta Voldemort”—because just like the Dark Lord, he’s a fragile, power-hungry loser who can’t accept reality.
How to Use This Pattern
- Download & Print – Click the link below (it’s FREE, unlike Trump’s alleged “charities”).
- Gather Supplies – You’ll need orange thread (obviously), some white for his creepy dead-fish eyes, and maybe a little brown for the skid marks on his soul.
- Stitch Away – Perfect for venting your rage during yet another news cycle where this bloated fraud avoids consequences.
- Display Proudly – Hang it in your bathroom, above your liquor cabinet, or anywhere else you need a daily reminder that the world is a cursed place.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t just cross stitch—it’s art therapy. Every stitch is a middle finger to the man who turned American politics into a reality TV dumpster fire. So grab your needle, pour a drink, and get to work. The sooner you finish, the sooner you can burn it in a ritual to banish his cursed energy from the earth.
Happy stitching, haters! 🧡🔥